I'm not afraid to admit that I am wrong.
And I was wrong.
Last week I made the bold prediction that Kasey and not Jake was going home....but alas, the self-proclaimed "Godfather" is still reigning over his Bachelor Pad minions. But Jake is not one to go silently and in his farewell speech he told the remaining BP survivors that they were sending the wrong person home and that they need to vote of the "power couple" if they had any hopes in winning. In the limo he confesses that he is glad to be out of the house and I can't help but yell out, "sour grapes" at the TV. Kasey says the phrase "kick rocks" about 4 times and I wonder why he's not going all Jackie Chan on Jake like he said he would....all bark, no bite.
Vienna thanks the remaining contestants for voting off Jake because she knows they did this for her. Sure, we'll go with that for now.
The following morning, Chris Harrison tells the group that they better be ready to pucker up because the day's contest is the ever famous kissing contest. Michelle withdraws because she says she wants to set a good example for her daughter....and deprive the rest of us of fireworks.
Ella, also a single mother, says nothing will keep her from getting the money for her son - she's in! Blake says something about giving Holly a tonsilectomy and I wonder when is he going to realize that he's the creeper at the bar all women try to avoid by looking like they're in deep conversation with their friends.
You would think a kissing contest, given the current and past relationships in the house, would be awkward.
You would be right.
Holly is up first to be kissed by all the guys. Michael seizes the moment and kisses her the way a boyfriend would. The rest of the guys show a rare moment of class and peck Holly on the cheek out of respect for Michael....except Blake. I know now what Blake meant by giving Holly a tonsilectomy - however, like a tonsilectomy (which, I don't think dentists perform, by the way) it was painful and scarring. Blake goes on to kiss all the other girls like a leech and he tells the camera that he's "got skills in {his} repertoire." Seriously?
On Vienna's turn, she tells the guys "Don't be sticking your tongue in my mouth," which strikes me odd for 2 reasons:
1) I think it's a smidge late to start playing the prude card and
2) it's might presumptuous to think that any man other than "Guard and Protect" would want to kiss you anywhere other than your cheek.....even for a quarter of a million dollars.
We don't find out who wins yet, but it looks like Blake's "skills" may actually get him a rose.
Next up it's the girls. Erica thinks her plastic lips will give her an edge....from what the guys say, it did not. We also find out that Kasey could use an Altoid....or ten. Holly kisses Michael and he immediately knows it's her and asks if she can go again....and we all wish they would just get back together again. Unfortunately, when Blake steps to the plate, Holly kisses him much more passionately than she kissed Michael and our hearts sink a little....and Melissa's eyes bug out a lot.
Chris Harrison tells everyone that there are apparently only one man and one woman in the house who know how to kiss because the vote wasn't even close. Blake and Ella are the landslide winners. Blake takes this to mean that some girls in the house thought he was a better kisser than their boyfriends and we realize that we like him better when he's kissing girls because that means he's not talking.
Ella picks one of my favorites, Kirk, to go on the one-on-one date. They go out to the front of the house a red sports car is waiting for them. Ella informs Kirk that she is going to be the one driving this car and Kirk wonders if it's because he chose to wear a bright pink tie.
Meanwhile back at Camp Clueless, Melissa is already preparing for her date with Blake....of course he will pick her to go on a romantic date with....nevermind all that crazy "let's be plutonic" talk of yesterday, Melissa knows Blake is into her. She tells the camera that she and Blake "made up" for the 4th time last night and my husband astutely pronounces, "This woman is never going to get a date after this show." But Blake says he knows where the romantic road with Melissa goes....and it's no nowhere fun. Being the man he is, Blake starts to talk around the fact that he's going to take Holly on the date and to no one's surprise, Melissa morphs into one of her alter egos - the one that is convinced she and Blake have an actual relationship which would warrant hurt feelings on her part if Blake invited Holly. Blake tries to distract her with some good ol' fashioned BS, saying that he is trying to position their team in a better position....Melissa is not buying it....she may be crazy, but she's not stupid....?
On Ella's date with Kirk they sit down to pizza and s'mores and my husband notes that this would be my dream date.
He's right.
Ella asks Kirk about what he would do with the money if he won and Kirk explains to her about his past illness and how his parents covered much of his medical bills and he would like to pay them back. Ellas tells Kirk about her mother's murder and how she wants to not only buy a home for her and her son, but to also start a foundation for battered winner.
Officially meet the two I want to win.
These two decide to team up and also decide that they like each other. They kiss on a hot air balloon and we try to ignore the arm of the hot air balloon operator which is intruding on the shot and ruining any hope in creating a nice quite moment. I think there may have also been a boom mic in the shot.
Back at the mansion, Erica decides that she needs to team up with Blake now that her old partner, Jake, has been kicked out. She tells Blake that he's the smartest girl in the house and that's why he should pick her.....did I mention she did this as she massaged him in a bikini? Clearly, this woman wants to be taken seriously for her intellect.
From one awkward Blake moment to another - the date card arrives and Melissa actually voices her belief that she will be accompanying Blake on the date. But Blake picks Holly and I can't tell who feels worse, Melissa or Michael. Melissa demands that Blake explain himself, bursts into tears, and leaves with Michelle.
Michelle, who used to be our resident crazy on Womack's season, is being out-crazied by far and tells Melissa that this is the last time she's helping her out. Melissa begs Michelle to stand up for her and calls Holly a bitch. Michelle, in a second moment of classiness, tells Melissa that Holly has done nothing this has nothing to do with her.
Melissa will not be deterred from her manic rant and she tells Blake that "this" (whatever "this" is in her mind) is going to trash him and ruin his reputation. Which reputation? The one of being a creeper? I actually think this will help solidify that reputation....but that's just my opinion. Melissa also claims that she's been carrying Blake the whole time and he pinky swore he'd look out for her...you hear that? Pinky swore!! Rather than exchange rings in our ceremony, Daniel and I just pinky swore - it's more legit.
Melissa decides to swing her crazy bazooka away from Blake's direction, asking why Holly would accept the invitation when she knows that Melissa has a make-believe relationship with Blake. Not worrying about damage to innocent bystanders, Melissa tells a sulking Michael that Holly doesn't care about him. Salt, meet wound.
She also tells Erica that Blake doesn't want her and that he thinks she's useless. Erica thinks, "I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off my Xanax and sticks to you."
Last on her hit list is Holly. She asks Holly if she would accept a date from Kasey, knowing that Kasey and Vienna are together. Holly points out the obvious - Kasey and Vienna are in an actual, mutual relationship. Melissa is simply stalking Blake. Plus, Holly reminds Melissa that she already informe her that she (Holly) will flirt with anyone.
Melissa moans to the camera that Blake promised her the world and she believed him. I think she may be confusing Blake with the voices in her head. She tries to corner Blake while he's brushing his teeth. He tells her he needs to brush for 40 more seconds, buying himself time to consider how many bones he would break if he jumped out the window in a daring escape.
Meanwhile, Michael is sitting next to Holly as she is waiting for her date to begin. He tells her he will miss her...she says, "It's okay."
Ouch.
Blake and Holly leave before Melissa has a chance to shed her human form and expose her evil spirit and before Michael googles "How to make hemlock"
The two supposedly-non-lovebirds arrive at the tarmac where a private jet is waiting for them. Holly says she is so glad to be getting away because she hates the house. Blake (and everyone watching) note that the house hates him. Welcome back, insight - it's nice to see you again.
Holly tells the viewers that she really hopes they are not going skiing because she can't ski. Next shot is Holly looking pissed in a ski shop. The next series of shots is titled, "1,001 ways to wipe out" as we see Holly tumping over...and over...and over. We see Blake and Holly playing in the snow and my husband notes that Blake doesn't know how to joke with girls because it's looking more like the snowball scene from Dumb and Dumber and less like a romantic date:
They talk about their first impressions of each other and Blake tells Holly that he first noticed her legs. She reminds him that that's because she had confused her hair band for a skirt. Holly notes that she has not thought about Michael at all on the date....which is different from what she will tell Michael later.
The date moves off the slopes and to a romantic campfire. Because Blake is such a gentleman, he feels that he must ask Holly what her status is with Michael....not that it will keep him from hitting on her, kissing her, and possibly sleeping with her, but Blake wants to know exactly where on the d-bag scale he will fall. In a rare moment of honesty, Holly admits to Blake that's she is torn.
Meanwhile, Michael is shirtless in front of the fireplace in the mansion, coming to the realization that Holly is irreplaceable....to the left, to the left.
Back at the campfire, Blake gives Holly a rose and the option of staying there for the night rather than going back home. He barely gets the offer out of his mouth when she accepts. Torn?....obviously. In the cabin where they will be staying, Blake ups his creep factor by stating that he needs to reexamine the evidence of the kissing contest and he and Holly make out. This line brings an audible groan from Daniel and a sigh from Sampson.
Michael notes the time and accepts the fact that Holly is not coming home that night. He says that if she was not given a choice, he'd be okay, but if she chose to stay overnight he will be really upset that she did not consider his feelings. It's going to be a rough morning, my breakdancing friend.
When Holly and Blake return, Erica decides to beat around the bush stating, "Did anything go on last night? I can tell!!!" Michael breaks up the scene by running (yes running) to Holly and scooping her up in a hug. He declares his love for her. She tells him she kissed Blake. In her defense (I hate myself right now) she and Michael are not together, so technically she did nothing wrong...."non-technically" she's getting shady. She reminds Michael that he left her and for some reason he does not remind her that he left because she broke off their engagement.
Needing sound advice from a clear-headed, logical, sensible woman, Holly confides in Vienna....I can't believe my fingers just types that. Vienna pretends to care and Holly pretends to not notice. Nothing is settled.
At the pre-rose ceremony fiesta, Erica has taken all of Melissa's special pills, leaving Melissa is "full Melissa" mode. Chris informs them that there are no tricks this week - one man and one woman will be leaving. Kasey starts immediately getting his troops in line. Erica nods her head in agreement with all that Kasey says, but it's really just a side effect of the medications. Kasey reminds Kirk that they are "like this" and Kirk thanks God he already has a rose. For good measure, Kasey tells Kirk that he needs the money in order for his grandma to live.
Lying about a dying grandma = new BP low.
Meanwhile, Michael is not at all concerned about roses - he just wants "healing time" with Holly. They are out on a mini-date picnic, discussing their relationship yet again. I understand the importance of their relationship to them, but I'm starting to wish the editors would be a little more liberal with their cutting.
While Michael and Holly are trying to recreate sparks with one another, Melissa is whirring about the house like a tornado, accusing everyone of voting for her. William mans up and says he did vote for her....and she bursts into tears. Making girls cry appears to be a hidden talent of William's - but we can't pin this one on him.Michael also tells her he voted for her and I'd like to think he told her that in revenge for her comment about Holly not wanting him.
Melissa decides to go back to what she knows...stalking Blake. But she runs into Kasey first and seeks assurance that he did not vote for her. Since he is dating Vienna, we know that Kasey has a high tolerance for craziness and drama, but he does not seem to care for Melissa's flavor of crazy - so despite his assurance that he has not voted for her, Kasey had indeed placed her picture in the voting box. He says he lied to her because he was afraid she would cut his nuts off if she knew he voted for her....and he's got a case.
At the rose ceremony we see that Vienna has already exhausted her cache of "classy" clothes and is sporting a too-short jean shirt. Daniel makes the observation that Melissa looks like an iguana and I have to agree. In the end, William and Melissa are kicked off. Michelle is crying over the fact that William is leaving and I'm wondering if I missed something, because I don't know that I ever saw those two talk to each other.
In the reject limo, William is surprised by how emotional he is feeling about getting kicked off. The only saving grace is that he does not have to share a limo with Melissa.
Speaking of Melissa's limo - Sobfest 2011. At one point she actually turns her body away from the camera so all we can see is her back heaving in and out from the sobs. This was one of the Top Five Ugly Cry moments in the Bachelor franchise's history....that's saying something.
Next week promises to be another crowd-pleaser - I'm on board as long as Kasey and/or Vienna is on the next crazy train out of BP. They will all be playing BP's version of The Newlywed Game....my crystal ball is predicting drama!
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